Monday, May 31, 2010

05312010

While backreading a while ago, I found this, an excerpt from my blog entry dated May 5, 2009. I'm sharing this again coz I'm back to feeling this once more. :)

I want someone who I can bring home to Mom & Dad on Christmas dinner…
… someone who Santa can put inside my Christmas stockings as one of my gifts for being a nice girl.
I want someone whom I can laugh with while watching an Adam Sandler flick.
… or even laugh at my own cheesy antics.
I want someone who can see me at my worst yet looks at me as if I’m the most beautiful woman on this planet…
… as if he’s having crush on me each day.
I want someone who will pull me up whenever I’m drowning…
… even coming and getting drowned with me.
I want someone who’ll lock his hand with mine as we walk through a long and winding path..
… a rough but exciting road to step on..
… on the way to my dream destination: HAPPINESS…


Someone who will never let me walk ALONE.



***The picture is one of the "artworks" I sent Dr. Love when we were still together. Oo, alam ko cheesy ako pagdating sa mga ganyang bagay. Pero sino ba ang hindi nagiging korni pag inlove? :)


FOREVER AFTER

A few days ago, my Facebook status says, "Pwede bang bumalik sa simula? Yung di tayo magkakilala.. Mas ok un." A friend commented and said, "makipagkasundo ka kay Rumpelstiltskin...." then I asked why. She said, "basta panoorin mo na lang si Shrek."

Actually, I've been looking forward to see Shrek Forever After with my bestfriends. We were able to watch last Friday after work. It was really good. And by that I meant, it teaches a lesson or two.

One of which was the answer to my question about going back to the beginning. As some of you know, Dr. Love and I belong to the same circle (he's my good friend's co-stand up comedian) and it is anticipated that we're gonna bump into each other sooner or later after the breakup. It happened. Twice already. The first time was kinda bittersweet. When he passed by my table we just nodded and said "Hi" to each other but later that night he joined my group, sat beside me and had a chitchat with me (he said some things that I can no longer remember due to alcohol in my system). By the time the show's over, when he was about to leave, he hugged me and kissed me on the cheek while saying "take care". I was frozen and didn't know what to do, so I just let him be. I didn't cry. I didn't show any emotion at all. But when I went home I called my bestfriend and cried a river. Of course, it's really painful that you see each other but you know that things are no longer the same.

The following week, I didn't expect that he would attend. I thought, maybe he wasn't coming coz he was there last week. He might be on duty or probably spending time with his ladylove (ahahaha.. joke! :P ). But he came. This time we were both civil. He was seated at a table far from where I was situated. But the restroom is near his place. When I passed by his table (to go to the CR), he gently grabbed my arm.. probably he wanted to say hi again. But I opted to just wave my hand with no emotions at all. Then I went on walking toward the CR. I had to do it so that we can both build walls around us. Again, I was fine. But later that night, when he and the rest of the gang went home, I caught some tears falling from my eyes. I don't know, it was never my intention to cry. But tears kept on falling.

After those two incidents I suddenly realized that maybe it's too early for me to expect that my feelings would fade even if I see him or talk to him. Perhaps, it would be better that we continue to build those walls around us. Maybe it's better that I won't give in to his request of being my friend. Maybe we should treat each other as strangers again, like the way used to. Maybe.. just maybe.

And so, I was wishing that we go back to the beginning when we were just strangers to each other. Those times when I would see him but I didn't even know who he was. That all I knew is that he's my friend's friend. But I know it would all remain as wishes. An impossible dream.

It's like when Shrek wished that he be back to being an ogre for a day coz he's tired of doing the same old things since he met Fiona. Once again, he wanted to be the creature that everybody's afraid of. And that happened when he made an agreement with Rumpelstiltskin. Little did he know that it would complicate his life more and would make him miserable. It was as if he was never born and thus, never rescued Fiona from the tower. It was as if he never existed in Fiona's life. So many things happened in Shrek's life as an ogre for a day. Like what people say, one day can change your life forever. It made him realize a lot of things and one of which is contentment, another lesson that I got from the film.

If I can remember it right, when Shrek was ranting about how unhappy he is with his life, Fiona said something like "You have a wife, three beautiful children, friends.. etc etc.. you have a wonderful life and the only person who can't see it is you." (sorry, it's not the exact line but the essence is still there).

You see, people tend to ask for more when in fact we already have everything. And if we think that there's still lacking, of course we've got to do something to make it happen.

As for me, wishing to go back to the beginning when we were strangers to each other is like deleting some important parts from my story, or some lessons from my book of life. Who knows, in the future, I will still remember the moment he broke my heart while smiling and saying, "This is the answer." And realizing how blessed I am for having a loving significant other (or probably a beautiful family) in exchange of letting go of the man and the stagnant relationship in the past.

It all boils down to this: everything has a purpose. :)

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I wanna be like Fiona. :)

 

Friday, May 28, 2010

BEAUTIFUL SCAR

Just got inked yesterday. It was done at Gene Testa's studio in Robinsons Galleria.

I opted for a short/small design coz I was thinking if it's bigger I might not be able to finish it. Fortunately, it didn't hurt. I did not feel any pain at all. Sana pala mas malaki na lang. Hehe. :D

Ishamayyyyllll!!!!!
Peace yow!
Red Horse -- ito ang tama!
Fans Club ko :D
It was just a short Latin phrase that says, "Amat Victoria Curam"

Victory favors those who take pain.

PS: Hindi dahil heartbroken kaya nagpatattoo ako. Matagal ko na syang plano. Nauudlot lang lagi. Ngayon lang ako nagkalakas ng loob. And since single naman ako, perfect time to para gawin lahat ng gusto ko gawin sa buhay. :)

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

CALAGUAS ISLAND

Just got back this morning from Bicol and I'm super tired (left Naga at 9 o'clock last night, arrived here in Manila at almost 7 in the morning.. went home to Pasig just to take a bath and went straight to the office.. ) but I'm excited to post our pictures and share a little story about this trip.

One of our destinations in Bicol is Calaguas Island. I've been to Bicol (particularly Camarines Norte) several times already but I haven't been to that island so I was really excited for this trip.

Calaguas is part of the town of Vinzons, a few minutes away from Camarines Norte's capital which is Daet.

We left Manila last Friday at 10PM, arrived in Daet at around 6 in the morning. We took the bus (yeah, it was a looooong travel by land, but it's okay.. I'm used to it anyway). We went home to my friend's house in Daet to have our breakfast and leave our baggage. Come 8AM, we were all ready to hit the beach, thus, we headed off to Vinzons via a jeepney (like I said, it's just a few minutes away from Daet)

From Vinzons, we took a boat to Calaguas. It wasn't grueling at all (even if I hate riding small boats, I had no choice.. hehe) coz the sea was calm and the weather was fine.

After 2 hours of traveling.. here is what we saw..

Super nice!!!


We took a rest at a cottage, set up our tent then had our lunch at the other side of the island..






Then we hit the beach. Weeeeeeeee!!!!!










Tapos pahinga ng konti para maghalo-halo.. (yung halo-halo kulay yellow, tapos may maliliit na marshmallows)



Then watched the sunset while doing our jumpshot (my favorite.. weeee!!!!)





May nag-"prenup" din..



At pagdating ng gabi.. inuman na!!! (pero sa totoo lang tulog na ko nyan, tinulugan ko sila kase sakit ng katawan ko e.. kaya sila nagpicture nito :P )




Tapos nagising ako para mangulit (kase nakarecharge na ko) pero asar na asar na sila sa kin kase ang gulo ko e yun pala inaantok na sila.. wahahhaa!

The experience was awesome. I enjoyed the beach, the booze and the neverending kwentuhan. It was my first time go camping and sleep inside a tent (I was never a girl scout..).

But it wasn't entirely a "camping" in its truest sense coz we got a tour package for PHP1800/head. That's inclusive of tent, food (coz we were so lazy to prepare our own food) and the boat ride. Sulit na din. :)

----------------------------------------

TIP: If you're an "alcoholic" and sunog baga like me, better bring liquor and cigs as they were nowhere to find there. We went to a "sari-sari store" along the shore pero wala sila tinda. Bawal yata bisyo dun. Hahaha! Buti na lang may dala kameng konting bisyo. :D


Wednesday, May 19, 2010

A LIFELESS STAR

Okay, now I'm finally breaking my silence. I'm baring my soul like the way I used to when I started blogging.

Remember that entry about a weekend dream? About losing something important in my life? It happened just a few weeks after that dream. It was like I lost significant organs of my body that I couldn't seem to function anymore.

I know some of you more or less know the story.

Yes, Dr. Love and I broke up. We officially parted ways about two weeks ago. But the relationship was hanging for a couple of days prior to that. If you'd ask me the reasons behind the break up, I'd say there are some things that are really beyond our control no matter how much we wanted to work things out.

You all know how much I tried to adjust and understand him the best way I know how. I embraced the life that he has despite me getting just a piece of him, up to the point of stepping back... of building my own life apart from my life with him. I was fine with it. In fact, I've been through several relationships that never really epitomized the word "commitment". I've always been independent.

It takes two to tango, I believe so. We danced together. We started moving at the same time. But then again, if the other pair of feet that you were dancing with started to get weary and eventually took some time off dancing, you'd find yourself dancing in the middle of the song alone. Even how determined I was to finish the song on my own, I guess my feet started to feel exhausted and finally took a break, too.

It has been my shortest yet sweetest relationship. During our time together, I felt loved and cared for. He is the most gentleman and caring I was able to spend my life with. And I'll be forever grateful that once in my life, even how short the stint was, I felt complete.

It was kinda different as well in the sense that I already know what I want and what I deserve. We both entered the relationship with no baggage at all, no hang ups from the past and at our most mature state. We have a 10-year gap, but that doesn't mean we didn't get along well. In fact, we always meet half way. I guess, lessons in my past taught me to be more wise and full-grown. I was happy despite his shortcomings. He was an answered prayer and everything was majestic.

But then again, all beautiful days eventually have their sunset.

Our sunset came too soon. Gray area started to exhibit even before we could relish the wonders that the day can offer. And like any other sunset, the horizon was melancholic as the sun goes down. Together, we watched how colorful the sky was while the sun was starting to hide. This sunset introduced me to a whole new world. A world wherein I can make full use of my wisdom, my traits and everything. Without me being stuck on that day when all I had to do was dream of tomorrow. Of a different tomorrow. I didn't realize that tomorrow comes after the sunset.. after the night...

When darkness fully arrived, it was hard. It was gloomy. I was frozen and can barely move. I got overwhelmed with attention coming from people close to my heart. But I opted to get stuck in the darkness like a thief hiding from the people.I didn't feel the need to explain. I can go on with my life without sharing what went wrong... the reason why it took me this long before I finally express what's inside my heart.

It's still painful, I must admit. He told me things that I refused to take in. It's better to completely cut the cord that connects us. After all, what's the point of seeing him and talking to him when I know for a fact that it's no longer the same? It would just double the pain. It would just drown me deeper in misery and utter over and over again how unfair life is. That no matter how hard you try to be together, destiny doesn't permit you at all.

Nevertheless, I still believe that this is for the better.

After all, it is in darkness that the stars shine the brightest.

I will eventually shine again... someday.

Monday, May 17, 2010

05162010

“The world is your kaleidoscope, and the varying combinations of colors which at every succeeding moment it presents to you are the exquisitely adjusted pictures of your ever-moving thoughts.” 
- James Edward Allen




Tuesday, May 4, 2010

BROKEN STRINGS

Before I commence my hiatus from the blogosphere, let me just leave you with a song that has been playing in my head for a couple of days now.

When I come back, I hope to share with you happier tunes. :)

-----------------------------------

by James Morrison and Nelly Furtado

Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last chance to feel again
But you broke me, now I can't feel anything

When I love you and so untrue
I can't even convince myself
When I'm speaking it's the voice of someone else

Oh, it tears me up
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it's not enough
To make it all okay

You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh, the truth hurts and lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before?

Oh, what are we doing?
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us

Running back through the fire
When there's nothing left to say
It's like chasing the very last train
When it's too late, too late

Oh, it tears me up
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it's not enough
To make it all okay

You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh, the truth hurts and lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before?

But we're running through the fire
When there's nothing left to say
It's like chasing the very last train
When we both know it's too late, too late

You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh, the truth hurts and lies worse
So how can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before?
Oh, you know that I love you a little less than before

Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last chance to feel again




 
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