Sunday, January 10, 2010

NEW YEAR. NEW LIFE.

Mom and Dad already left a while ago, they’ll be back in Japan where they lived for a long time plus a couple of years in the US, leaving me with responsibilities of a mother and a sister. I’m gonna take care of the household (like what I did when I was in High School). I’m going to do the budgeting; take care of the bills, my sibling’s allowances, our “scholar’s” school expenses, our “foundation’s” needs and a lot more. It’s quite against my will to do these but if ever I abandon our house, nobody will take care of it. My older sister is already married, my younger brother is based in Pampanga where he is studying.

I hate it everytime our relatives contact us/me with much demands related to their needs (and wants, as well).. Haaaaayyyy.. typical Pinoy. Sometimes I hate how my parents can be so kind and generous, to the point of being abused. I want people to understand now that it’s no longer my responsibility to attend to their needs as I also have a life of my own. Also, isn't it sad that people get married, raise kids even when they are not financially stable? Even an nth degree relative can be so demanding.. and it always ruins my day everytime I think of it. It's not our responsibility to feed and send their children to school. I am still single and don’t want to get married yet because I feel that I am not ready for responsibilities like these, but how come I am taking over my Mom’s tasks?

I will just look at it as a blessing. That God wants me to get used to it to prepare me for my future.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

THINKING OUT LOUD

It’s a brand new year yet I am writing an entry about love and relationships (I’m supposed to write a New Year post! Errr… on second thought, it can wait. :P )

I just told my good friend that I cannot write sensible entries anymore as I am happy, and I think I can only make sense whenever I am broken or in pain. Perhaps, my writings are better if accompanied by tears and heartaches. Like I always say, “heartbreaks bring out the poet/writer in us.” But hey, I am writing an entry now, I am no longer heartbroken... but hopefully I can be sensible enough.

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It’s been very evident in this blog that I have plenty of boy friends. As in friends who belong to the species with X and Y chromosomes, not really those whom I have romantic involvement with. I am the typical one of the boys, the only rose among the thorns. Believe it or not, I am a friendly girl. Even boys can be my friends. I know my strong features don't say it all.

Over the years I have built tons of relationships with men, those that are on the platonic level only. But there’s this thing that has always been bugging me – stepping up, like those men try to court me… or get into a relationship with me even if I firmly exclaim that getting intimate is out of the picture.

And so, I guess this amiability in me is the culprit why I have amassed a couple of so-called suitors. One friend told me – being friendly is different from leading them on. I guess I was just too friendly – I didn’t mean to mislead any of them.

However, even how confident I have been that every man will just be a friend to me, there are those who were able to step up a bit. Not really on a romantic level.. but more of getting there. My fault is that.. they remained on that level over the years. I guess I am the kind of person who doesn’t know how to say no. And I just left them hanging. Even when it doesn’t mean a thing to me, I would always succumb to those men’s jokes. See, I’m such a flirt. An oblivious flirt. *sigh* :(

That WAS me, during those times when I haven't found someone who's worth flirting with. Haha! Now is different. Flirting and fooling around have been taken off my vocabulary. But everytime I talk to those boy friends nowadays, nothing has changed on their end. Most of them still try to treat me the way they always did. Little by little I try to be honest that I am already happy with someone else. I am just thankful that The Doctor has always been understanding and accepts me for who I am. I mean, I am not doing anything wrong.. it's not as if I'm flirting. I just couldn't be harsh toward them. After all, they are still my friends. Those that are for keeps. :) And I hope someday they get to meet my doctor and be their friend as well. :)

"It's raining men!" -- Seriously. They have been everywhere. On Facebook, On YM, mobile.. even personally. Asking me out. What surprised me is that, they used to treat me like one of their kind but with subtle way of expressing their desire to get intimate with me. Nowadays, they become more vocal about their intentions. I must admit, most of them are good catch. Had I been single, I guess I might fall. Don't get me wrong, I don't have a checklist.. I just thought that perhaps men of their quality can easily catch my heart had they been straightforward about their feelings.

Not only my boy friends have been opening up to me lately. I have this crush who caught me off guard one time when he told me things I couldn't imagine he would tell me. I liked him. Like I wanted to be his girlfriend at one point in my life. He is totally likable.. and it's been torture to turn him down. Hahaha! :D Kidding aside, I think it just ended with liking him. As days pass by, the feelings slowly diminish...

See.. change is inevitable -- that's for sure. Even when you don't plan it. Even if you don't like it. It will happen. The way I treat men has been gradually changing and I like the idea of having only one resident of my heart. Anyway, that SHOULD really be the case, right?

I guess that's it. When you found THE ONE... he should really be THE ONLY ONE. :)
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