GOT FLU?

Her ears are famished, weary hanging around.
They are getting drowsy, waiting for something they aimed to hear…
to soothe her soul,
to pacify her yearning,
to paint a touch of pink...
around her world of gloom
Just three words,
from those gorgeous lips
owned by someone...
her eyes are yet to see.
Someone who’s brave enough
to destroy the walls she had built around her heart,
to eliminate the fears in her core,
to bring her back to her senses,
to lift her spirits up,
to reinstate the faith that was gone.
Just three words…
three mind-blowing words…
one perfect line…
And everything will be alright. :)

-- from my old entry, dated 1.12.2009

Months had passed and my needs have changed. Nowadays, I often hear these words from someone really special. So often that it's like listening to a cockatoo saying, "I love you! I love you! I love you!" over and over again. Yes, I needed these words to make me feel special, to make me feel loved. But then again, I realized that words are actually not enough for you feel good about yourself. Action speaks louder than words, cliche, indeed.

I Love You has been a communicable disease that has been trying to kill my heart.. even my whole life. Something that has been incessantly attempting to break my way of thinking. I won't ask you to stop, though. I already did that several times already, yet you just didn't break off. I know you'll get tired eventually... something that I am continuously hoping to happen. But even if I just allow you to do whatever you want, I'm proud to say that I don't give you what you always ask for.

Had my immune system been weak, had I not been taking Vitamin D (for dedma), had "research materials" not been coming my way... it could have been detrimental days for me. Because I know for a fact that your charm's kinda irresistible, you're like this powerful flu that's been going around. You make women fall so hard, as if they're living under your spell. You are sooo lovable.. yet loving you is not for fainthearted.

Despite the fact that I was almost captured, I still followed my instincts. I think too much heartaches in the past became one of my vitamins, aside from vitamin D that I've been taking nowadays. Those pinches in my heart inflicted by someone in my past boosted my immune system. Good thing, they didn't contradict with some existing bacteria in my heart. Thank you, heartbreaker, my heart now is as robust as your heart during those times when all I had to do was to ask for your love and care.

And to you, my "friend": Regardless of everything, despite wooing and chronic lying at the same time, I still wish that you fix your life. Be contented with what you have. Now that I realized a lot of things, I'll stand firm.. once is enough. I will just treasure those memories as you, somehow, were once a special part of my life. Nevertheless, I won't go back to my old stupid self. And I hate to find out that I might be causing sorrow to someone else.

PS: I just heard this from an upcoming series starring Maricar Reyes (yeah, the girl in Hayden's videos):

I want a man.. who wants me to be his woman.. and not his other woman.

VALIDATION

Para sa mga badtrip ngayong araw o kahit sa mga habambuhay badtrip, panoorin nyo to..

ENJOY! :)

Thank you for sharing this, GB. It made my day. I miss you! :)

"You are great!" Hahaha

SMILE! :)

MY DREAMBOY

To my first love and the first to show me what true love means..
To my dream boy – MY DAD...

Happy Father’s Day!

If I will be given more lives to live,
If there are a few lives to live beyond death,
And if living my life all over again entails choosing the people I’d spend my life with,
I will always choose you to be my Dad..
And I will never get tired of being with you.

Thank you:

For making me realize that money can’t buy happiness;
For showering us with things that our family needs, even if it means you not being with the entire family;
For giving me the chance to be closer with my Mom by choosing to live alone in a foreign land and letting her be with me and my siblings;
For letting me know that the word GENEROSITY exists – and that helping people in need will give you a sense of fulfillment and a wonderful feeling;
For subconsciously giving me hope that there are still a few good men out there – one perfect example is you;
For teaching me how to control my emotions and temper, for showing me that things cannot be settled if we are always blinded by rage…

There are still a lot of things that I am thankful for but I don’t think I can list them all down here because they just simply came out of one thing --- YOUR LOVE.

So, allow me to say...

Thank you for your love. Thank you for loving me, my Mom and my siblings the best way you can.

And I’m sorry for the times that I did not stand by you. I know it’s never too late. I’ve been trying my best to be the best daughter for you.

I miss you soooo much and I love you!

 

 

SHE WHO BROKE MY HEART

This morning, I got an "OMG!" message via YM. This came from someone who became a special person in my life right after she broke my heart. Yeah, you heard it right! She broke my heart yet she grabbed a spot in my heart afterward. She was "the other woman". She was the girlfriend of someone who happened to be my boyfriend as well... same time. Hers was just a year behind my relationship with the guy.. and we were both oblivious of this fact.

When she sent me that message, I got a bit nervous. I thought something bad happened. It just turned out that while she was backing up her phone messages, my birthday SMS for her (April of this year) was the first that caught her eyes. I couldn't really remember what my message was so she copied it and YMed it to me. And the message goes like this:

Happy Birthday, G! I hope this time maging masaya ka na ng totoo because you deserve it. We may have a weird beginning but I'm thankful that I got to know someone like you. Thank you for all the lessons. :)

She told me she was touched and she sincerely appreciated everything that has happened between us after the storm. I can still remember the first time we saw each other after we found out about the truth. I was with my bestfriend in a cozy Italian bar/restaurant when she texted me that she has just finished her dance classes and was thinking if she can join me and my friend. I genuinely requested if she can come over so we can talk things over. Surprisingly, it was not a distressing moment.. it was more like commencement of a "sisterhood" that's bound to happen. She was very caring of me at the time.. guiding me everytime I tend to fall due to excessive alcohol intake. She even offered to drive me home coz I was too drunk. Haha! I refused though, coz I think it's too much on her end. She even told me she hopes it was not just a "drunken night" for me but something special that we may value.

When she left, I wasn't able to contain my emotions anymore. I cried so hard to my bestfriend. I cried because I know I couldn't get mad at her.. she was hurt as well. I cried because it was so selfish of that man to hurt two good women. It was unfair because we both took care of him and loved him the best way we know how.

You know, it's easier to let go and accept the fact had it been just a playtime. Had she been just a past time. Had she been a flirt. But she is a good woman. She may not be that stunning nor possesses a gorgeous and to-die-for body.. but she is special in her own way. She is a woman of substance.

Now, everything becomes so vague I couldn't even remember the pain anymore. I am back to my old fun loving self, and so is she.

We have completely moved on and both living a new and wonderful life.. but the friendship that we had is something very special. She has been an "Ate" (she's 7 years older than me, btw) to me since then... guiding me every step of the way. :)

It's like reaping treasure out of junk. :)

KAGANDAHAN, ANG MULING PAGHIRIT

Napansin ko lang, lately pala wala na ako entries about my beloved helper, Cris. Kaya ngayon ako ay nanunumbalik para ibahagi sa inyo ang kanyang latest adventures, lalo na doon sa mga nakamiss sa kanya. Mejo konti nga lang 'to ha.. kase lagi kame magkaaway these days eh kaya di kame gaano nakakapag-usap. :lol:

----------------------

Sa isyung napapanahon: ang Hayden Kho scandals...

Napapabalita kase noon na patuloy pa rin na sinusuportahan financially ni Vicki Belo si Hayden kahit na kalat na kalat na ang mga videos nito all over the world (yes, world.. dahil yung napanood ko nga eh sa malayong lupain pa nanggaling eh.. haha.. inamin na nakanood.. paktay! :lol: )

Ako, sa isang banda, habang nanonood kame ni Cris ng balita ay napapaisip at naitanong sa kanya "Tindi ng kapit ni Hayden kay Belo noh? Shungaks na talaga si Belo nyan.."

Simple lang naman ang naging sagot nya ukol dito, "Ganyan talaga Ate.. LOVERS ARE BLIND"

__________________________________________________

Isang umaga, sabay kame lumabas ng bahay ni Cris dahil papasok ako sa opisina at sya naman ay mamamalengke. Isa lang naman ang way namin so isinabay ko na sya. Paglabas namin ng gate, binati ko ang mga bata sa tapat ng bahay namin at binati naman nila ko ng "Hello, Ate". Pero nung si Cris na ang bumati sa kanila, hindi sya pinansin ng mga bata.. ewan ko lang kung baket.

Cris: Baket ganun, pag ako lumalabas dito sumisimangot ang mga tao. Wala naman ako ginagawa sa kanila.
AC: Ganun talaga.. ang aga-aga kase nakakita sila ng panget.. syempre masisira araw nila. Ikaw na malasin pa lang umaga na, e di buong araw mo nun sira na. Hehehe.
Cris: Hindi ako naniniwala jan. Naiinsecure lang sa akin yang mga yan. Sino ba naman di maiinggit eh nasa akin na lahat. Oha diba?!

(Okay payn, wala na po ako sinabi.. Dyosa ka na.. tsktsk..)

__________________________________________________

Nung minsan nagpunta kame ng aking pamilya sa Manila Ocean Park. Pero bago kame umalis sa bahay ay nagkaroon muna kame ng munting diskusyon ni Cristina.

Cris: Ate, peram ng 2piece..
AC: Baket? Para saan?
Cris: Eh diba pupunta tayong Ocean Park? E di pangswimming ko.
AC: Hehehee.. sige.. mamaya kalkal ka sa kwarto ko..
Cris: Sige ha, pramis yan ah.
AC: Oo, basta ikaw. Bigay ko pa sayo kung gusto mo eh.

Makalipas ang ilang oras, narealize nyang di nga pala nagsswimming sa Ocean Park. Narinig lang siguro nya sa isang pinsan ko.

AC: Tara na, hanap na tayo ng swimsuit. Isuot mo yun mamaya sa Ocean Park ha? Pag di mo yun sinuot di kita isasama. Bwahahah! O kaya ihuhulog kita sa Manila Bay. Hekhek.
Cris: E di naman pala nagsswimming dun eh hehehe kala ko kase swimming tayo.
AC: Tungaks! Ocean Park yun.. malaking aquarium.. mga isda-isda.. haha!
Cris: Hehehe.. ganun ba.. sori naman. Tao lang, nagkakamali din.
AC: Tao ka? Tao ka? Hehehe.. :D

__________________________________________________

Namamahinga ako sa aking kwarto nang si Cris ay kumatok..

Cris: Ate, kain daw po. May dalang donut si Kuya Mako.
AC: Anong donut?
Cris: Yung Dunkin' Donut po. Ewan ko ba, iba ichura nya eh. Iba-ibang kulay, parang Christmas tree.
AC: Sige, baba na ko maya-maya..

Pagbaba ko...

Cris: Sarap naman ng Dunkin Donut na to, saan mo to nabili Kuya?
AC: Shunga, Cello's yan ah di mo ba nababasa? E bumibili naman tayo dati nyan ah sa Katipunan kapag napapadaan tayo. Dunkin Donut ka jan!
Cris: Eh kala ko lahat ng Donut Dunkin' Donut eh.. hehehe..
Mama: Mapa-Mister Donut man yan, Dunkin' Donut pa din tawag nya.
AC: Okay, meron ba tayong Coke jan na Pepsi? :lol:

__________________________________________________

Kanina lang...

Cris: Ate, si Priscilla ba yung syota ni John Estrada?
AC: Alin? Yung Brazilian? Oo, baket?
Cris: Sya ba yung dating pipi?
AC: Huh? Dating pipi? Paano yun?
Cris: Yung dating pipi tapos nakakapagsalita na ngayon.
AC: Huwaaaaat???!! Pwede ba yun? Dating pipi tapos biglang nakapagsalita? Pwede pala yun? Hehehe.
Cris: Diba? Diba?

(May bago na naman po ako natutunan... Hahahaha! :lol: )

__________________________________________________

Noong Linggo, may pinuntahan akong kasal. Maaga ako umalis ng bahay, as in madaling araw yata dahil sa Nueva Ecija pa ang kasal. Kaya maaga din sya gumising para ipaghanda ako ng kung anik-anik bago umalis..

Maaga din ako nakauwi nung hapon dahil nga pagod na ako. Pagdating na pagdating ko sa bahay, ang bungad nya sa akin ay:

Cris: How's the wedding Ate? Is it successful?
AC: Yeah..
Cris: Sino kinasal?
AC: Friend ko. Sis ko.
Cris: Wala pa rin sa Single Ladies?
AC: Tuktukan kaya kita ng makasampung ulet?
Cris: Oh my Gosh! Wala pa rin ikinasal dun sa tatlo? Tsk... malala na to..
AC: Baket ka ba nangingialam? Nangengealam ka ng lablayp ng may lablayp eh. Kuha mo na nga lang ako ng inumin.
Cris: Grabe na to.. tatanda na kayong dalaga..

Ayaw pa tumigil eh noh painumin ko na kaya ng Baygon to?

Tsktsktsk...

Anyway, sa mga nakamiss sa kanya, eto nga pala ang recent pix nya.. FYI, nagpagupit sya ng hurr. As in muka syang anime.. Nagparebond pa nga diba.. Harhar! :D (Ni-grab ko lang to sa Fwendster nya, kase tinatamad ako mag-upload galing sa cammy ko ;) )

nagmomoment

ano ayaw mo?

peace!

cover girl???

nakapout pa!

Hanggang dito na lang muna at ako ay inaantok.. :D

Next time ulet! ;)

DEAR RASTAMAN,

It's been four years since we went on our separate lives. Much changes have taken place in my life and in yours. You are now a father, and a partner to your son's mother while I am still a struggling lover wannabe.. looking every inch a hopeless romantic like what I've always been when I started to fall in love. After our failed relationship, several others came into my life -- brought me to heaven but always went back to hell. Things are different now. Feelings have changed.. goals have been altered. However, I can sense that it didn't enter your system when we got to talk a few days ago.

We were there as friends to someone who passed away; not as former lovers who were trying to rekindle the past. But the moment you sat beside me and started to share your present life, the hardships that you encounter as a family man, tears started to fall from your eyes. The tears I haven't seen in years.. from the only man who had the guts to shed tears for me. You told me how hard it was to adjust from the life that we shared to being in a complicated situation. We were happy then. If only things just fell into place.

I felt the guilt, it brought back all the pain that I inflicted on you four years ago when I broke your heart. It hit me somehow, because I know for a fact that you were the one who really loved me with all your heart. But then again, let's go back to the bottomline: things are different now.

Unfortunately, you're a hard headed man. Your optimism is sometimes unbelievable. Your head is as hard as my heart. Yes, I loved you (take note of the D) but we have our own lives now. My relationship after you may be a disaster.. I may be a failure as lover but that doesn't mean I will just settle for someone who loves me more than I love him. I am not a selfish woman. I won't be able to give you what you truly deserve.

I am sorry for being harsh. But I guess it's the real me that comes out everytime you try to win me back. I needed to be rude just so you can back off. I held my heart so I could no longer hurt you, but you are always persistent. I hope eventually you'd get tired of fighting for your love.

... nalaman ko pa din sa sarili ko na ganun pa din pala ang mararamdaman ko sayo. Yung feeling na one in a million ko maramdaman sa isang babae. feeling ko special talaga yun na dapat ipaglaban kahit gulping-gulpi.

I guess this is it, I already said sorry. I finally put an end to something that was hanging before. Let's completely turn the page. No more turning back.

Yeah, I will forever be your Francine. And you will forever be my John.