A few days ago I stepped on something soft. In turn, it made me slip. It knocked me down and now I don’t know how to get up. That something soft is a cunning murderer.. yet it is oblivious of that fact. It has been silently killing me yet I couldn’t give it a shot. It is a weak object that I may crush had I revealed my claws. But I am afraid to be a villain.. I am afraid to lose my halo… I may look harsh, but empathy is one of my favorite words. And I am doing this because of you.
-- from a previous entry dated 4.24.2009
I just thought that maybe.. just maybe.. after all these years you will be the one to protect me. Unfortunately, you didn't.
Perhaps, this is the very reason why I was so afraid to wear you even if you were just within my reach. Even if I have long been wanting to get you and bring you home. I was afraid, yet I took the chance.. thinking that I'd be comfortable with you as days pass by. But I was wrong. And I've been wronged. It's okay though, I still looked good after all. Thank you for making me beautiful... even for a while.
We looked good together. I looked good on you. You looked good on me. But there's something in you that always tries to hurt me. Probably it's the heels that made me stumble. Or the strings that almost strangled me. Or perhaps my feet just didn't fit so well.. maybe I was just trying hard to wear you.
I was hurt when I slipped. But in contrast with what I have stated above, I was still able to get up... just recently.. with grace. I am still able to walk with poise. Like what most beauty queens did on their pageant night. Who cares about slipping? At some point in our lives we fall.. it's for us to decide whether to get up.. or kiss the floor. I chose the former.
Now, I am walking barefoot. Instead of wearing you again, I opted to put you back in my rack. I know everyday I would still be able to see you.. but I know you're just there, I won't touch you anymore. I won't wear you again. And you won't come near me.
I know as well.. people may come and would try to ask for you. I will be glad to give you away my dear... for as long as I see you.. my feet won't take a rest. You are too beautiful to resist, I admit. Please, please... I will just give you away. I will donate you to those who are in need, together with my shoes and my slippers. I will just walk with nothing... less painful than wearing all three of you.
The pain that you brought left several marks on my feet.
And look at them... look at my feet now...
I know they're kinda horrible.. but I know, in time.. THESE WOUNDS WILL HEAL.
Someday, I'll have my PERFECT FIT. :)