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The shell and the chick make an egg
The shell is protective of the chick inside
It shields the chick from destructive objects outside
The chick in turn makes the shell complete
Emptiness is nowhere to be found
Through time the chick develops inside
With the help of the shell which saves it from harm
It houses the nutrients that the chick needs in its progress
But as days pass by the shell would look modest for the chick
The chick would begin to find its way outside
And embrace the external factors that it once feared of facing
Of course the shell would be broken
But the chick really needs to be developed outside
To be a full-grown chicken in due time
Sometimes it’s better for the shell to let go of the chick
But the shell would never be whole again
It would be torn into pieces
But who knows, someone might pick it up
And learn how to do the mosaic
It can adorn the walls
It can capture your eyes
But it can never satisfy your soul
Like what the shell did to the chick...

Once upon a time.


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Maybe it's just a part of my life... maybe it's quite cyclical..

About three years ago I had the same feeling. The sudden fear that came along... three years ago I already met it, then it vanished when somebody else popped up and captured me, took away all my worries and apprehension.  For a while it healed my heart. That escapade brought back my life, my will to keep my head above water.  But now, here I am.. finding my way back into what I felt was one of the worst moments of my life. The fears keep recurring, doubled my nightmare.

I love him. But I also loved the other one before him. I guess I exploited my mind.  I made it struggle with my heart... yet in the end my mind won over my heart. With this chronic state, what would be the difference? For the nth time would I still be deemed as a safe player? Someone who stands still, with ego still intact but with a bruised heart... or a martyr who gives up all.. in the name of love and fidelity?

Sometimes I want to escape from paranoia of being left behind after exhausting all the love in my heart. I want to stay away from pain by leaving someone behind. Several moments I just wanted to play safe. I wished to go on with my life and never wanting to get back in his arms.. just to rebuild my life and learn the value of independence just so I would have all the time to be whole again. Not just being trapped in his charms by loving him forever, but not getting anything in return.

Either way I am afraid.. that maybe in the end I would still be the one to gather all the pain... and find it hard to ease them in my heart... forever...
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